Grow Worm

Klein Bottle

A friend I hadn’t talked to in years called me recently. During the conversation, she told me how proud she was of me for traveling and living my life. She also said she was proud of me for staying stylish.
It was such a simple compliment, but it hit me deeply and it made me tear up. It made me realize the true importance of friendships with people who pour into you.
I had been feeling down about myself lately, feeling that my biggest strides in life only came when my back was against the wall, when I had no choice but to push forward because no one was coming to save me.
But a different friend poured into me, reframing my entire perspective. She told me I hadn’t made those decisions because I was cornered—I made them because I chose growth. It was a reminder that sometimes, outside perspectives really do matter.
Just as I pour into others—like when I encouraged a friend to get out and do the things she loves to cheer her up—I realized that pouring into others and being poured into is a cycle of support. I've surrounded myself with people who make sure my cup never runs dry, and I want to do the same for them.

LeapFrog

I thought about transferring to my current work location earlier, but honestly, I was scared. So, I stayed at my first store for another two years. The commute would’ve been 40 minutes, which meant I’d have to move, and at the time, my therapist said that a new job and moving out on my own would’ve been too much change at once. I agreed with her then, and honestly, I’d probably agree with her now.
But while driving home, I started thinking about how much I’ve grown just in this situation alone. Not only did I transfer stores and move out within a few months, but I also started in a completely new position. Then, a few months after that, I moved to yet another location. That’s a lot of change in a short amount of time. Compared to someone who stayed in the same position at the same location for four years, I can see how much strength and resilience I’ve built. And I’m so proud of that.
It’s amazing how loss detaches you.
Even beyond that, I thought about how I used to dream of living in this area—it was my city girl fantasy. But now? I live somewhere I truly love, and I cannot get back there fast enough. Every time I leave, I’m ready to turn right back around and go home. The place I once thought I wanted to be? Just a pit stop now. It’s proof that you don’t always get what you want—sometimes, you get something even better.
I also used to feel inferior for not driving a luxury car like so many people around here. But then I reminded myself—I don’t have a car note, and just like that, I got over it. Now, even though I don’t have my dream car (yet), I’ve become so rich in experiences that material things like that don’t even hold the same weight for me anymore.
Me, I’m just vibing and doing my thing until I blow up and act like I don’t know nobody!

Proverbs

I’ve decided to explore practicing Buddhism. I was recently watching a show—I think it’s called Eat Pray Slay—where the singer Nivea went to Vietnam with her girlfriends. During the trip, they visited a Buddhist temple, and Nivea was so overcome with emotion that she had a reaction that almost resembled an anxiety attack. She was clearly moved, and I think I’d have a similar experience. I’d welcome that.
This feels like a long time coming. I’ve always been drawn to Buddha figurines. Whenever I see them out, I feel a pull, and I even have a bunch in my home. I’ve also wanted an unalome tattoo, which is a symbol of Buddhism representing the personal journey toward enlightenment. The twists and turns in the design symbolize the ups and downs of life. And I know the ups and downs of life all too well.
One of the core beliefs of Buddhism is that suffering—the ups and downs—is inevitable, but it’s about how you internally manage that suffering. And I feel that.
I literally just had a conversation with my therapist that, through healing and self work, I understand that while I may struggle with things, shit is literally always going to be going on. It’s not about the things that I go through, it's about how I choose to navigate through them.
During the show, Nivea mentioned how Buddhism was confusing for her because, growing up Black in Christianity, you’re taught to look to God. In Buddhism, you’re taught to look within. That stuck with me.
I talked to Gia Pete about my intention, and as they laid out the core pillars of Buddhism, I felt like my mindset might be a little too hedonistic for it. Buddhism teaches that suffering can be ended by eliminating desire. And I was like, now hold on, you know Tay is the ultimate pleasure seeker. I’m here for a good time, not a long time—a mindset that has only strengthened with experiencing surprise loss.
Gia eased my concerns by explaining that the path to enlightenment isn’t about changing everything at once. It’s about practicing mindfulness, one step at a time. One step at a time—I can do that.
I have a tendency to overdo it when I make changes. I want everything done at once, and I want consistent, obvious signs of growth. But that’s not how real change happens. I think this journey will be my perfect lesson in gradual change and gradual improvement. I feel that as long as I set the intention to be better, action and reaction will follow.
Whether it’s receiving support from my friends, proving my resilience to myself, or exploring a new spiritual path, I’m on a journey of growth. I’m learning to embrace the twists and turns, to grow through them rather than trying to control every outcome. I’ve set my intentions, and I’m moving forward—one step at a time.