Brand Spankin’ New

Wow. It’s been so long since I wrote a post, and so much has changed.

It’s such a surreal feeling to realize you’re right in the middle of where you always hoped you’d be. Maybe it’s the antidepressants, but I’m in such a better head space. I used to wake up to survive the day; now I wake up to conquer the day. I prayed for this.

I used to ask “why can't that be me?” until I eventually started asking myself “why can’t that be you?” I’m finally realizing it can be me. I can have and accomplish anything. Anything I set my mind to attain can be mine. The world is mine.

Every facet of my life has changed: I’m having fun at work again and it shows in my performance. I’m organizing my life; I realize it’s unrealistic to expect a clear mind in a cluttered environment. I’m trying new hobbies, and trying to allow myself to have fun and get out of my head. Now that I have my own shit going on, I can finally be genuinely happy for those close to me in their successes.

I used to dread being asked about goals or the future. How can I make a five year plan when I’m barely making it through today? But I have aspirations now. I have things I want to accomplish. I have understanding that I am on my own path and I had to go through everything I went through to arrive at this juncture in my life. I’m so extremely grateful for the work I’ve done and the support of those around me.

My closest family members dealt with some of the same mental issues I’ve been plagued with, but it was never treated, so I always thought that depression and anxiety was just something I had to deal with. Now that I know better, I’m doing better.

I’ve done so much self work: I’m unpacking things that happened in my childhood and how they’ve affect me in adulthood. I’ve realized that while I tend to romanticize relationships, both romantic and familial, things sometimes weren’t as peachy as I’d like to remember. I’m unlocking things in my mind, and in turn, unlocking a more powerful version of Taylor.

I now speak to myself as I would a friend. I tell myself I’m proud of me, I love me, I love ___ about me. I allow myself to make mistakes, but I no longer harp on those mistakes. I understand it’s a part of learning. A part of healing. A part of life.

While I’m proud of the work that I’ve done, I know I have so much more to do and accomplish and I’m so excited about the next phase of my life.