Elevated Epiphanies: Part One, on Relationships

For this next set of journal entries, I want to delve deeper into epiphanies I had while doing shadow work and attempting to get back to myself. It’s gonna get real.

I accept the bare minimum in relationships because I don’t know what right looks like.

Going straight in. I had this epiphany while scrolling through Twitter and reading a tweet that made me realize that I don’t know what a healthy, real relationship looks like. I had no example growing up. The relationships I observed came with daily yelling matches, not bouquets. While I was being shown how to get out of relationships, I wasn’t being taught to maintain a healthy, loving relationship.

Now that I’ve identified the problem comes the real work. How do I now take accountability for my own part in not demanding what I deserve in relationships? How do you muster up enough self worth to know what you deserve?

You can begin again, like you always have.

In anything really, but specifically in relationships.

I’m a slave to the familiar. I prolong a “breakup” with a fling because I fear that I’ll never have that level of comfortability with another person. But I will. Just like I did before him. And before him. And… before him.

This breakup has me broke up for what reason?? In a few years, this won’t even be a blip on my radar. Treat it as such. Next case.

Don’t spin the block.

It didn’t work the first time for a reason.

Has the original reason for the fallout changed? No? Okay, next case.

BLOCK HIM!

I used to think I was too good to block people, like I don’t care enough but girl, BLOCK HIM!

I get sucked back in very easily. It’s hard to get sucked in if you never see it 😁 BLOCK!

It’s giving out of sight, out of mind. Next case.

Experience people in chapters. Don’t hold onto relationships that have expired.

That one guy may not be your forever love, and that girl may not be your forever friend.

A breakup is also not always negative.

I think while I understood that sometimes people’s chapter in your life closes, I just hadn’t mastered the detachment part. It’s something I’ve gotten better at since..

My parents dying gave me the gift of detachment.

How can I lose anyone more important than my parents?

How can I be so sad not to talk to someone I was talking to everyday for a month when I’ve already lost the people I’ve talked to everyday since birth?

The magnitude of losing my parents makes the severity of anything seem all the lesser.

Everything, in time.

I truly feel that my better half is out there, but I think I’ll find them in divine time.

Not only will I find the right one, but I will be in the mindset to receive them. To have self worth, to not feel anxious, or the need to overthink. To not need to pretend to be someone else. To have everything I need to feel soft in my femininity. To feel protected, to feel worthy, to feel loved.

These are things that I wish for me, as I fully submit to the process of life and uncovering as I’m meant. Walking with divine purpose, progressing with no regrets, only understanding and gratitude.