Treat Yo Self

“You’re being too hard on yourself.”

Thats what my therapist told me as I explained to her how I’d been feeling the past few weeks.

I’ve been stuck in some sort of grief loop. I’m sad and depressed and trying to allow myself to be sad and depressed, but also being upset at myself for not having the desire to do anything because I’m… sad and depressed.

I guess part of my frustration is the anxiety I have toward dying since my parents died so close together, both in their fifties. I don’t want to die before I’ve gotten the chance to live.

It’s the strangest thing: wanting to get up and get out, but being mentally unable to. It’s amazing how your mental state affects your ability to physically move.

I’m feeling better today, which is why I’m able to write this blog post. I paused just a moment ago and called to check on my grandma, and she sounded… tired. Worrying about my grandma is another stressor on me. I’m trying to hard to live my life and go forward regardless of things going on around me. I guess this is one of the biggest examples of one of the most important facts of life: you have no control of what goes on around you, just how you respond to it.

On another note, I’ve been working on my self confidence lately. I’ve started telling myself “I love you” before I go to bed. I’ve started reciting mantras in the morning, reminding myself that I can have anything I want and I’m deserving of good things.

I can’t expect others to treat me well before I treat myself well.

I always thought that treating yourself was about buying things and eating what you want, but it’s so much more than that. Treat yourself to kindness and happiness and new experiences.