Deep Rooted

November ‘22 was my last life update— just about a year. That time has been so transformative for me.

I’ve done so much traveling since my last update.
I have a different outlook on life.
I completed something that has been on my to-do list for 10+ years.
I’m building and maintaining intentional relationships.
I have direction at work.
I’m growing so much, even week to week.
I am proud of me.
I am happy.

This playlist is the soundtrack of my life right now. Just smooth listening, groovy vibes.

A few months ago, I woke up crying. I cried all day, and I couldn’t get out of bed.
After I had let it all out, I took the next day off of work and got everything done that I had been trying to do for months but had no motivation. I cleared out my to-do list.
The only way around it is through it.

I’ve been placing a lot of emphasis on building and maintaining my relationships, and ending those that have completed their season.
It’s sad to end friendships, but I appreciate the time that we had and let go. The result: being surrounded by amazing people in my life that support me in the way I need to be supported. Shoutout to everybody, I’m having fun!

I had a phenomenal therapy session earlier this week, though it interrupted my best attempt to romanticize my life while walking in the park on a brisk day, it was well needed.

I had failed to complete my therapy assignment, which was to write a letter to mom explaining the things that I didn’t have the chance to tell her in life. I didn’t finish because I still felt like I was disappointing my mom by voicing my truths. Even though she's not here, I couldn't help but wonder how the words of my truth would affect her. I wondered if she’d even listen, or if she’d shut me down.
I also didn’t want to drudge up those memories because honestly, a large portion of those memories are not fond ones. As with any lost relationship, we tend to look at things behind rose-tinted glasses, blurring the negative. My memory of my mom is no different.

Thanks to my therapist (she's phenomenal), I’d had quite a few ugly cries by the end of the session.

I learned that someone not choosing me isn’t a reflection of me. I just continue to choose those that choose me.

My summer ‘16 (I know) fling helped me realize that sometimes that magic can’t be recreated; sometimes it’s just meant to live on in our memories.

Cleaning out my Instagram bookmarks made me grateful that I can now look back on low-budget experiences with gratitude that I am no longer the person to bend my boundaries and allow others to affect my sense of self worth. I no longer allow my time to be wasted. I no longer squeeze to fit in spaces I’ve outgrown.

I’ve done so much growing, unpacking my deep rooted trauma, becoming a person I love and admire, planting seeds of deep rooted happiness, excited to write my next chapter.