Let’s Talk About Sex.. and Other Things
Remember: just because you’ve adjusted to disrespect to maintain a relationship doesn’t mean it’s not still disrespect. This is probably the most valuable lesson I’ve learned from my relationships with men—which is fascinating, considering they, themselves rarely teach me anything at all.
I love learning—I’m a student of life. That’s why I find it so attractive when a man is knowledgeable and can teach me something. Ironically, it’s been a long time since a man has taught me anything.
I’m not ashamed to admit that all I’ve gotten from these n***** are a few ridiculous quotes my friend and I revisit weekly, laughing at the sheer idiocy of it all. That, and a collection of lessons on the importance of setting and maintaining boundaries—an essential skill I’ve learned to apply in every aspect of life.
I’ve learned a bunch of life lessons through my relationships really: the lengths people will go to volunteer lies, the art of manipulation from a narcissist, and, of course, a masterclass in how not to be a good person. 😉
But relationships have also taught me a lot about myself—especially when it comes to sex. I’ve realized that many of my personal shortcomings show up in the bedroom, including (but not limited to):
My relentless need to excel at everything I do.
Struggling to fully feel present in my body (which, surprisingly, works to my advantage here).
Only feeling confident when I’ve gained experience.
And the timeless classic: if I want it done right, I’ve got to do it myself.
Although I wish I had learned these lessons about life and myself through avenues that didn’t involve less-than-perfect situationships, I’m grateful for them—the lessons, not the men—and the growth they (again, the lessons, not the men) inspired.
That said, I’m tired of learning lessons. Honestly, I don’t want to stand on bidness anymore; I want to be a certified lover girl! I don’t want to argue or fight for understanding—I just want to have a good time and live well.
I want to embrace my soft and feminine era, but in most of my relationships, I’ve had to be hard. And unfortunately, I don’t see that changing anytime soon. My experiences have shown me what people are capable of, and with that understanding comes distrust. This distrust is probably what undermines my ability to show affection to men today—but that’s a story for another day.
Still, I’m not in the business of making future connections suffer for mistakes of the past—but people will be held accountable for their own actions. I’m no longer overlooking red flags. When I see them, I’m outie 5000—long before my attachment issues trap me into spending more time than I should in a place I don’t belong.
