Year End Bald Cap

I cried while making my year-end video. Looking back at the highs of this year made me emotional—not because it was perfect, but because even through the struggles, I refused to let negativity steal my joy. I’m proud of the resilience I’ve shown, the way I’ve committed to cultivating happiness, and the space I’ve created for myself. But even with all of that, I can’t shake the feeling that I’m a phony.

When I’m home, it feels like I’m house sitting for my much cooler, more mature friend in their swanky apartment. I often feel like an impostor, like I’m playing pretend as this version of myself, in this life I’ve built. A part of me is always waiting to be dragged back to where I came from—to the land of food stamps and maybe not having electricity for a couple of days. Shifting my mindset from surviving to thriving is harder than I thought.

I don’t want to dive too deep into the mess (that’s a story for another day), but the possibilities in front of me now feel endless. And that’s terrifying. The idea that my future is 100% in my hands is crazy. It’s overwhelming. Who decided to give me that kind of responsibility? A thirty-something teenage girly? I am just a girl!

In fact, I feel so overwhelmed by the endless possibilities that I actually just want to pull my hair out—literally. Honestly, I get why Britney buzzed her hair off. When everything feels so out of control, something like that feels like a tangible way to reclaim some power.

But then I remember: I love my hair. Cutting it off might give me a fleeting sense of control, but the regret would probably hit harder than the satisfaction ever could. So instead, I sit with the chaos and try to remind myself that I’ve handled it before.

Something I did—whatever it was—worked. And it’ll keep working. I’m not here by accident. No matter how many times I’ve felt like I was drowning, I’ve always managed to pick myself back up. I’ve done it before, and I’ll do it again. Why would that change now?